Menepi Sendiri

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Seketika lelahku berbalas tangis, meninggalkan rindu yang sebagiannya terluka. Terakhir ketika kulepas tanganmu, kau membiarkannya kaku dan malu. Membuatku merasa sendiri di ujung nanti yang sepi.

Ketika aku akhirnya berkata bahwa aku suka, ketika aku akhirnya mengatakannya dengan cara yang kau minta, aku tergusur. Terkalahkan oleh cerita cinta yang hanya dalam fantasi saja.

Kukira kau ada rasa, kukira kau juga menantinya. Tapi kini yang kulihat ku mulai menepi sendiri ditengah kerasnya gelombang kecewa yang menanti. Kuharap kau hilang sudah di tengah sakit hati yang kusimpan sendiri.

Pengembara

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“Jangan.” Kata itu  keluar, bertemu keputus asaan yang telah sampai pada ujungnya. Ia berjuang menemui udara yang berlalu di helaian nafasmu, menunggumu untuk menariknya dalam pikiran yang rindu.

Tapi masih tak pernah bersatu. Tak pernah bersatu bersama rindu yang kususun dari kekuatan tangisku. Kau seperti akan selalu tinggal di ujung kelopak mataku, bersama dengan tubuh yang tak terengkuh dan kenangan yang teduh.

“Aku tidak sempat… selalu tidak sempat mengatakan bahwa perkataanku tidak tepat.”

Hening, tak ada apapun. Di mana pelukmu yang terasa beku itu? Ke mana perginya tatapan penuh cinta itu?

“Tolong, jangan.”

Dan terdiam. Kau tak pernah datang.

Stoppable

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“My love doesn’t work anymore,” Those words flew quietly in the middle of the silence, right in our frustration. Did it ever work for us? The love, you know, had it ever been intertwined in our heart?

“Neither do I,” I knew it made difference. It could be an agreement for the broken arrangement. It might be a confirmation. We needed to admit it as a gentle goodbye of two years lover. The two years we spent with guilty pleasure.

“Do we need the union?” Then, we knew that all long time, we focused on the words rather than the feeling. We were forgetting the tasteless sensation of a commitment.

“Maybe no,” It was better to be said like there was no false hope, even it hurt and probably made a disappointment. We just had to be honest, in the stoppable feeling of eternal enthusiasm.

Don’t Make Bold

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I saw you there, pulling steps to me. On the way here, you looked riled up, chaotic and somehow frustrated.  Then, within one last step to reach me, you seemed to hesitate and said, “I am sorry that I wasn’t there. I think I might not there.”

“It’s a shame to know that I can’t love you more than I ever said.” You added, with never waiting for my words. Even if you had no intention to fall in love with me, you bravely tried to shed the pain.

Half consciously, I replied, “You are the one who loves me more than I expected.”

It always looked as one-sided until it had done. If there were no you for the very first time, could I still leave the light on in the middle of despair?

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The Hope That Gone

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“Are you coming or should I give it to others?” That thing came to my fingers as I was adding another supplication. There came fantasies, of course, that intruded me to hope for rendezvous. There came brave, shame, excitement and despair in the words I rolled to you… that I wondered if you ever noticed.

The purest meaning of that question could be, “Hi, I’m waiting with the hope of your presence. Would you come to see me?” But it was always unsaid as simple as that, just like the consummate love I gave at the end of our forthright opportunity.

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Whales Can Sing; Here’s All The Things

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Malam itu, ada seorang teman yang tiba-tiba mengontakku dan bertanya, “Kir, kenapa kamu suka paus?” Tidak ada yang istimewa sampai pada akhirnya aku tahu—belum pernah ada seseorang yang menanyaiku tentang mengapa aku menyukainya. Sebelumnya, aku hanya menyukai ayam. Hal itu pun sepertinya terjadi karena aku adalah fans besar dari Piyo-piyo, seorang anak ayam—atau bebek, yang menemani masa kecilku dalam bentuk hiasan dinding yang ditempel di balik lemari. Bahkan, karena suka melihat bentuk dan warnanya, aku memiliki dua boneka kecil yang kunamai Hilus dan Kuki.

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Broken by The Definition

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“I like you, but I hate the fact that I like you.” I relayed those words out of my lips for around 5 minutes. I was thinking about the best prologue, but then it came without it. And for that reason, I hoped it wouldn’t be judged as pathetic since it was said by a 21 years old girl.

“But I like him too.” It was other false words. It shouldn’t have been said. It was something I didn’t think I would say to anyone. Why in front of you every complexity felt like it had to be told?

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